Broken and Bleeding In Places Unseen
by Azura.Sapphire
Summary: Written from Snape's POV as he grieves for Lily in the privacy of his own home, after meeting with Dumbledore in his office on the night the Potters were killed.


_**Broken and Bleeding In Places Unseen**_

Severus Snape did not understand what was happening to him. He felt as if he was dying, although he knew that he was very much alive. His physical heart continued to beat, although he wished it would stop, for the pain in his other heart- his soul- was almost too much to bear. Many times, in the past, his heart had been left broken and cracked and wounded, never completely healed. Yet this time... This time, it was as if the shattered pieces were destroyed beyond repair. He sat there, alone, in the privacy of his own home, shaking and sobbing with a grief that threatened to tear his very soul in two.

Lily, his gorgeous Lily, was dead.

Gone. Murdered. By the very monster he had once served.

She was gone, forever gone, never to be his! Although of course, she had never been his... Lily had never truly been _anyone's_, as strong as she was.

But... he couldn't believe it. The very thought of Lily no longer existing in this world threatened to overwhelm him.

He could see her clearly, in his mind's eye. Her red hair, her slim body, her perfect face, her beautiful smile... And her eyes. Oh, those eyes! They burned with a green flame that no floo-powdered-fireplace could ever hope to achieve. They were full of passion, strength, and bravery; fierceness, anger, and loyalty. And friendship. Friendship and love. She could have never loved him the way he loved her... He knew that. He knew that only too well. But... she'd loved him as a friend.

Lily had been his friend, and he'd called her a mudblood.

_Why had he done it?_

If only he hadn't! If only, if only, things might've been different! Things could've been the way he'd dreamed of all his life!

But now...

She was gone.

_Gone forever._

And he had never told her he loved her.

That was the worst part of all. Severus Snape cried for no one to hear, his heart broken and bleeding in his chest, the ache so fierce that he could barely breathe. He cried for Lily, for himself, and for the burden of never knowing what could have been.

The person he loved above everyone else... Gone... Dead… Never to return...

His thoughts were almost an incoherent mass of despair, so overcome was he by his grief. But, every so often, a few sentences would form.

_I love you. I love you._

_ Please don't go._

_ I love you._

_ I'm sorry._

_ Come back._

_ I love you._

They swirled in his mind, adding to his pain, as more words upon words formed... all of the words he wish he would have said to the love of his life, the only person who he had truly cared for and the only person who had ever cared in the slightest for him.

Silently, his lips formed the words.

_Lily, I love you._

He had lost his chance. She was gone.

The idea that he would never again see the face of his dreams in person was something he didn't think he could live with. To never look into her eyes again... Those beautiful green eyes...

Suddenly, quickly, so briefly that it almost wasn't there, something flitted through Severus' anguish, just for a moment.

Lily's eyes. A fresh memory. Dumbledore's voice.

_"Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and color of Lily Evans's eyes, I am sure?"_

Yes. Yes, he remembered Lily's eyes only too well.

Without knowing why, Snape made a painful, conscious effort to hold onto his train of thought. That conversation with Dumbledore... He had promised something. What was it?

Oh. Yes. To protect Lily's son.

_Potter's_ son.

Could he do it? Could he really devote his life to protecting the proof that the woman he adored had loved another man?

_Could he?_

At that moment, something else broke through Severus Snape's crushing grief, an emotion that lent him the strength to take another shuddering breath.

It was resolve.

Yes... Yes, he decided. He could do it, and he would. He would do everything in his power to protect the last living testimony to the existence of Lily Evans, the only person he had every truly loved, with all he could give. He would do it for as long as he was able, until the last second of his now despair-filled existence, even if it cost him his life.

Dying inside, broken, bleeding, grief-ridden, Severus Snape made a promise to himself. No matter how difficult the task, no matter how hard the journey, he would protect Harry Potter the same way he had loved Lily Evans. Always. With everything he had.

_Always._


End file.
